Feels Like Coming Home | +arrowsandradiation
Natasha looks up from where she’s curled, frozen, on the sofa. He knows, she can tell by the look in his eyes, and she hates and loves him for it in equal measure.
“Clint,” she responds, eyes flickering anywhere that isn’t him - or at least that’s her intention. Her gaze seems to keep being dragged back to him, to the curve of his wrist, the hollow of his throat. She’s denied herself thoughts of him for so long now that she can’t even believe the evidence of her own eyes.
She stays where she is, moving neither to him nor away. This mission has hollowed her out again, reminded her that nothing is sacred and nothing is safe. The only person she can rely upon is herself.
“You shouldn’t have come here.”
His eyes wander over her once more, her voice saying more, this one word saying more than a thousand words at once. He knows her. He knows how she works and he knows how to rate those words, her posture and the way she keeps avoiding his gaze.
“Of course I did.”, he says as if it was a necessity. He could have left her alone for a while, of course. But that wouldn’t have changed anything. It wouldn’t change a thing in the future, either. It would only make her isolate herself more and more from him and he couldn’t let that happen.
“Natasha…”
HIs voice is soft and gentle, not threatening, or even expecting. He’s just looking at her, slowly stepping closer. The happiness over her returning to him is still there, but hidden inside of him, knowing that launching himself at her to hold her in his arms like e wants to would only get him killed, most definitely.“I missed you…”
“Don’t.”
The word is short, clipped - and this isn’t how she talks to Clint, isn’t how she wants to be talking to him either, but it’s all she’s got. She has nothing left to give.
Closing her eyes, she can hear him stepping closer nevertheless. She can’t show weakness, she just can’t. She’s lost enough today (SHIELD have taken it from her, her mind prompts, and she’s let them) and she simply can’t lose another part of herself to him.
“Don’t tell me you missed me. Don’t come any closer. Just… leave me, Clint.”
Defeated. That’s how she sounds, and she hates it. If she wasn’t good enough for him before, how can she possibly be good enough for him now, another failure under a belt already full of them?
arrowsandradiation reblogged this from inheritorofmemories and added:
When she’s burying her face in his shoulder, he thinks things are going to be okay, before he blinks, looking at her as...
inheritorofmemories reblogged this from arrowsandradiation and added:
Natasha steps forward, burying her face in his shoulder for just a moment before taking herself across the room. She...
carmy-w liked this