I Have Some Secrets No One Should Know.
Reblog
8 years ago
♥ 44
+ arrowsandradiation
+ feels like coming home
+ //wow
+ //apparently i had a lot of pent up Natasha feelings

Feels Like Coming Home | +arrowsandradiation

Natasha curls up tighter in the break room, having pushed all furniture but the chair she’s sitting in against the door. It’s enough to deter most people from coming in, the rest chilled enough by her icy threats to keep away.

Suspended from duty. Natasha Romanoff, suspended from duty. How could they do this to her? How dare they do this to her? Did SHIELD really think that she hadn’t done everything in her power to prevent what came to pass?

It still hurts, an ache she hasn’t experienced in a long time. She’s nursing a wound she’d thought long since closed, and it makes her vulnerable. Dangerous.

She’ll always wonder if she let go for the wrong reasons - if there wasn’t still that remnant of Natalia alive and kicking, prising her fingers loose. She isn’t like the rest of them; they kill for duty, for their country, for the people they love. She once killed because she could, because it made her feel powerful. Because it was fun, a part of her mind whispers, and she shakes her head vehemently.  

No. Clint delivered her from that, held out a hand when he didn’t need to and took her from that life. She’s sick of failing people. Every time she closes her eyes, she relives that moment, the moment she was reminded that everybody falls eventually. Coulson’s face when he took her swipe card, expressionless as he explained that she’d be relieved from duty. Reassigned to a desk job, ‘for an indeterminate period.’

Until they need someone to get their hands dirty. Until they can use their dirty little secret.

She looks up sharply, interrupted from her own thoughts by a sound coming from the ceiling. Of course. She doesn’t know if it was a conscious decision or not, refraining from blocking the vents, but it seems that it’s beyond her control now. He was always going to come and find her - he always has.