Natasha isn’t so interested in wrong and right - she never has been. The concept is a luxury she has never been able to afford; there is simply necessity and survival. This doesn’t strictly fall under either category, but as her tongue brushes against Clint’s, eliciting the softest of moans from her, she isn’t quite sure for a moment how to continue in a world where they aren’t touching like this. Where she isn’t shifting on top of him, pressing him gently back against the sofa.
The dim room affords her little light, but she’s close enough to pick out any flaw - but she finds none. Every fleck, crease, scar, makes him who he is. She sees this face in her dreams, her nightmares, and she knows that she could live a thousand years and that wouldn’t change.
She runs on instinct and while her mind is blissfully quiet (not silent, she’s never allowed that respite) she will allow her body to take over. While his every touch scatters sparks across her skin, she cups his cheek, drawing back to sit. Her cheeks are flushed, her pulse now pounds in her ears too, and she’s gloriously, unbearably real for a moment.
“This is what you want,” she states - it’s not a question, she know the answer too well for it to be that. “But everything that comes with it… it’s bad, as bad as it’s ever been. I can’t promise you anything.”
Clint’s mind is racing from the second where their tongues meet and this sound, this moan out of her voice reaches his ear, making his whole body tingle and shake on the inside. He doesn’t know what’s wrong or right anymore. He doesn’t know why she’s doing this, but he welcoms it.
He opens his eyes as she shifts them, as she’s on top of him and her body against his is even more noticeable. His hands are now on her back to hold her, to prevent her from falling, running over the soft fabric of her clothing, touching her arms here and there.
She sits up and he opens his eyes once more, closed for a matter of seconds, looking into her eyes. His heart, his pulse is racing faster than his mind, he tries to understand but fails terribly. Her words make him uneasy inside as he slowly pushes himself up without the aid of his arms, looking at her.
He looks into her eyes and sees the emotions that she’s hiding from him. It’s like looking through a wall with tiny holes in it, all you get is a little peek on the things that are happening behind it.
“You are what I want.”, he says simply, his voice quiet and his eyes wandering over her face, not used to the flushed cheeks and the fast pulse that he can feel under her skin on her back.“Nothing is always bad, Tasha. There are always good sides of anything, too.”, he mumbles, hoping that she some day stops thinking that everything that includes her is bad, because it isn’t. “And I’m sure you’re not bad.”
Natasha rests her hands on his chest, fingers twitching slightly with the need to make him understand - well, that and the need to touch him again, while she still has the chance.
It’s the safety that discomfits her. She could get used to it, and she doesn’t want to endanger anything that could make him feel this way, Smoothing her thumb across his cheek as she reaches up, she speaks softly and urgently.
“Not this. It’s not… This isn’t black and white. I exist in shades of grey, and both black and white are out to erase me.”
She doesn’t normally go in for metaphor, not when in danger, but she has to make him see. She is bad. She’s good too, a living paradox as almost everyone else is. Clint’s so certain of what he needs, his morals, and she’s never had that.
Leaning forward to press her lips to his fleetingly, she sits back, although she’s still closer than she was before. “I want you too,” she admits, and there it is again, that unsteady note to her voice, “but I want more for you than this.”
bannerandbarton reblogged this from inheritorofmemories and added:
Clint looks at her, he’s not that big of a mind, really, but he understands a lot. And so he understands what she’s...
inheritorofmemories reblogged this from bannerandbarton and added:
Natasha rests her hands on his chest, fingers twitching slightly with the need to make him understand - well, that and...