Natasha curves instinctively against Clint’s touch, still breathtakingly aware that he knows exactly how she needs to be held. She allows him to press her against his chest, fingers barely grazing against the firm muscle, and the stronger scent that she could identify amongst thousands as his lingering.
“I can’t give you children,” she tells him, a quiet, shameful admission. She should never have kept it from him, but there’s only one other person at SHIELD who knows. “What they did to me… I can’t have children.”
His confession steals the breath from her, and she simply looks back into his eyes and tries to keep herself in the moment. Oh god. She can’t do this, she can’t take him from what he knows, the system he still trusts in. “Clint, please,” she says, and she doesn’t know what she’s pleading for now. All she knows is that she’d live the rest of her life more soundly if he was by her side. She trusts in Clint in a way she hasn’t done since she prayed to a long forsaken god as a child.
“You saved my life,” she tells him, softer than she’s comfortable with. “So many times, Clint. Now? I’m saving yours. Stay here. Talk to Fury, yes - but if you can’t convince him to take your word… Let me go alone.” She hates every single word that escapes her mouth, the weakness that’s audible in every syllable, but she has to save him. She loves him, but the debt comes first. She must repay him before she succumbs to the final weakness of love.
“Doesn’t matter.”, Clint said quietly, not looking at her. “Was just a metaphor.”, he mumbled quietly, holding her close to him, looking down at her, in her eyes. His own are filling with tears, only for a little piece of a second, before it’s gone again, his hands running over her back, the softness of his voice making him even more weak now.
“I will talk to Nick, Natasha. He knows that he can trust me. He knows how much I trust you.”, he whispered, into her ear, biting his own lip shortly to get back to the strength he was used to, but there was none. This was a moment of weakness they were allowing themselves and each other, just being there for their significant other, sharing a moment with each other.
“You saved mine, Natasha. Countless times. Sometimes literally, but most of the time, I stayed alive because of you. You kept me alive, kept me sane during missions I couldn’t do.”, he whispered in her ear, before lifting his head again to look into her eyes.
“I want… No.. I need to be with you. I couldn’t bare a moment more without you, Natasha.”
His voice was merely a whisper, but he knew that she was hearing him, that she understood him, she did unlike many other people. This closeness, this moment could be one of the most emotional in his whole life, but he knew that there was no other way. “Please stay… Until the morning.. Until I talk to Fury. If he doesn’t want to help, I’ll go.”
It does matter - Natasha knows that fatherhood is something he’s destined for, just as he was destined for this life - but she lets it slip for now in favour of staying right here in his embrace. She shouldn’t, but she still lacks the will to move from it.
“Hell never trust you the same way again,” she warns him. “If you do this… SHIELD won’t let you go further.” She’s avoiding those words, guilt ridden and traitorous - she’s compromised yet another good man.
Looking back at Clint, thumb stroking over his cheek, she looks back at him with an expression that would be regret if she could bring herself to wish to undo even a moment of all that has passed between them.
“I’ll stay,” she says, and it’s her own answer to his confessions. That she can’t leave, not if he’s still here - that she’s tying their fortunes together despite her misgivings. “But you have to be careful. Please.”
bannerandbarton reblogged this from inheritorofmemories and added:
Clint looks at her, he’s not that big of a mind, really, but he understands a lot. And so he understands what she’s...
inheritorofmemories reblogged this from bannerandbarton and added:
Natasha rests her hands on his chest, fingers twitching slightly with the need to make him understand - well, that and...